1. show
up at my door
© 1994 tina lear
show up at my door
like you did before
you were gonna be so cool
then you kissed me like a fool
kiss me once again
kiss me twice and then
go back to the start
go back to the part where you
put your arms around me
you took me where you found me
you took me to the stratosphere
and flew me through the stars
leave your toothbrush here, darlin'
it makes me feel you're near
your sneakers in my closet
i love it so, because it
looks like you might be back
things'll be right on track
the heart beats nonstop
so we'll pick up right where we left off
show up at my door
just like you did before
honey i'll be right here
the whole thing, still in gear
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2. cardiac
arrest
© 1994 tina lear
Everybody (especially my
mother) wants to hear the real skinny on this one. Sorry, folks.
This one is my little secret to the end.
minding my own business in town today
minding my p's and my q's
stood in line at the post office feeling down today
'til i looked up and caught a view
a view of a man, had to grow outa some
rock
he looked at me, i went into shock
cardiac arrest, baby be my guest
cardiac arrest, my man, let's make a mess
followed him out and struck up a conversation
searching and scrambling for something to say
took every bit of my fast-failing concentration
not to look at him that way
he was man from his head to his toes
and i'm a woman, that's how it goes
cardiac arrest, let's put it to the test
cardiac arrest, let's redefine the wild west
one thing led to me, i led him away
now
led him down my little old garden path
they'll have to pipe our food in on a tray
put a fax machine near the bath
emergency room technician, stand by
what a way to go, what a way to die
cardiac arrest, baby be my guest
cardiac arrest, darlin' you are the best
cardiac arrest, honey, come on, let's get some rest.
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3. things
that remain unsaid
© 1994 tina lear
things that remain unsaid
live on inside my head
things that i've longed so to explore
hide in my heart instead
secrets too small to count
secrets in small amounts
accumulate quietly, tangled together,
and thrive in my soul, unwound
we met for lunch last week
i opened my mouth to speak
but someone came by to "yo, how're ya doin'!"
and the moment had sprung a leak
and it may never come again
not like it did just then
i may have lost, and there's no counting the cost
of the things that i've left unsaid
but even these deep communiques
that never see light of day
somehow they pulsate in
translated frequencies anyway
day by day, so that
somewhere in what you know
there is what i would not show
and all my unspoken musings go
into the silent flow of this
dive with no safety net
into something that's not real yet
feel in this hour the invisible power
of the things that all take part
in the things that connect our hearts
through the things that remain unsaid
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4. song
in my soul
© 1994 tina lear
This started out as a song
I wrote for my Episcopal sunday school class to sing. Eventually,
I put it on the album, using the word "He"--as in "when
He called my name." As my spirituality has taken me to new
places within myself, I now sing it using the word "you."
And in you, I think of the unifying force, the enormous, big You
that is out there, looking after me.
i've got a song down in my soul
gonna sing it till my body's whole
i've got a story black as coal
gonna tell it till it turns to gold
flowers in the sunshine, the road in
the rain
remembering the first time when you called my name.
you called my name said hey hey hey
open up your heart to another way
open up your door to a brand new day
come away with me now come away
flowers in the sunshine, the road in
the rain
remembering the first time that you called my name.
you took me by the hand, you shook
me to my spirit
you wanted me to stand, you wanted me to hear it
i've got a color in my life
sure as the dawn and sharp as a knife,
red, blue, yellow, green, and bright
colors in the daytime, colors at night.
flowers in the sunshine, the road in
the rain
remembering in the first time that you called my name.
i've got a song down in my soul
gonna sing it till my body's whole
i've got a story black as coal
gonna tell it till it turns to gold
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5. the
voice in your eyes
© 1994 tina lear
for once in my life,
at a time when i might've been elsewhere,
i'm listening to a voice that logic defies.
sometimes this voice takes the form
of the whistling wind in the air,
but in my case it took the form of a look in your eyes.
and you looked in mine too
so sweet was the tension,
tension that triggered my senses
the voice in your eyes,
it deepened the smile on my face.
you've got eyes that let me in,
eyes that drew my grins
eyes to strip and dive into
the pool of shiver and cool. . .
. . .breezes of sage, jesus,
i can't look the other way.
i can't help this feeling that i'm finally getting my way.
'cause you walked into my life,
and you opened the windows
and fresh air is blowing through rooms
that have never seen daylight
with eyes that let me in,
eyes that drew my grins
eyes to strip and dive into
the pool of shiver and cool
for once in my life,
at a time when i might've been elsewhere
i'm listening to a voice that logic defies.
the voice in your eyes.
the voice in your eyes
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6. classified
ads
© 1994 tina lear
Ok, folks, here's the god's
truth. I moved to Seattle in the fall of 1992, and after 3 months
realized that I was never going to meet another adult person if
I didn't do something bold. I don't hang out in bars, and I'm
not a member of a church, so where was I going to meet anybody?
I saw the personals, and first of all couldn't believe such a
thing existed. But then I realized "Hey wait a minute. I
could do this." I did. I was only so I could meet someone
to see a movie with, and you know, have an adult conversation
with. But I met the Man, and married him and have remained very
happily married ever since.
i put myself in the classified ads
brown hair, five foot four, one thirteen
i love to go dancing, i don't go for fads
i wear my pearls with my jeans
and i'm looking for love in the classified
ads
hoping to find someone who
won't be afraid of my outfits, or stiff with my kids,
someone who'll love me as is
old flannel nightgown and fuzzy warm
socks
and a hunger that feeds as it drinks
a tough-hided woman who shields so she shocks
she cuts, she laughs, she thinks
i'm looking for someone who's streetwise
and warm
someone who's in touch with his dog
a man who pays taxes but doesn't conform
whose mind has come out of the fog.
yes i'm looking for love from these
guys who call back
they're looking for something from me
we talk about things we've got--talk about things we lack
things we would love, for once, to see
and maybe i'll find you--yeah, maybe
i will
maybe you'll answer my call
but you'll probably come home from my past or my back yard,
or you're someone i've known for years after all.
i put myself in the classified ads
brown hair, five foot four, one thirteen
i love to go dancing, oh please take me dancing
i wear my pearls with my jeans
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7. me
& you
© 1994 tina lear
Jane invited me to guest
teach her high school creative writing class. I had no idea what
I would do, but knew I had the beginnings of a song I could maybe
have them complete. I told them that the parameters were: a) it's
a romantic song, but b) I want it full of images that go together,
but are NOT romantic in nature. We had a ball doing it. And, believe
it or not, the line "you are the jetstream, i am the lear,"
did not come from me. It came from one of the students in that
class.
you are the masses, i am kmart.
i'm in your blood, you're in my heart.
you're the antenna, i am the air waves.
i do the hair, you do the shave.
we fit together well, the seashore
and the shell
car dealerships, hardsell; the sin and those who fell
it all goes in the stew, no matter what you do
i'ts gonna get to you, it's gonna see you through
i am the pretzels, you are the beer
you are the clutch, i am the gear
i am the twelve months, you are the year
you are the jet stream, i am the lear
we fit together fine, like candlelight
and wine
the needles and the pines, the silver and the shine
it all goes it the stew, no matter what i do
it's there inside of me and just won't let me be
take me inside let's just turn off
the lights
let's feel our love from the depths, from the heart to the heights
i am the lightning, you are the rain
you are the fighting, i am the pain
i am the loss, you are the gain
you are the flour, but baby, i am the grain
we fit together great, like gravity
and weight
accident and fate, and hurry up and wait
it all goes in the stew, no matter what we do
it's gonna get to you, baby. and it's gonna see us through
me and you,
see and do, many and few, me and you
old and new, false and true, me and you,
looking through to the view of me and you
[top]
8. the
way it is
© 1994 tina lear
i've got a son who's sixteen, where
in the hell have i been?
i've been trying to come clean, sort the fat from the lean
this is a simple song to say that we all go wrong, and, in my
case
in my search for the child within, my child went without my time
he tells me he gets confused, gets
sidetracked and enthused.
i tell him he's not alone, but i gotta tell him over the phone.
the telling of this tale is that we all get so easily derailed
so laugh out loud, come on, join the crowd,
me and you we're walking the same damn trail
welcome to the way it is, my friend.
welcome to the real business end
of life and strife and stress and strain
and getting it wrong again and again
keep it up till you get it right, keep
it up till you win this fight.
there's just one thing you must keep in mind, you'll never get
to no finish line
you'll only get today, so don't waste it, jump in the fray
and work off your buns, do it till you're done, do it till you're
having fun
keep it up till you get it right, keep
it up till you win this fight.
there's just one thing you must keep in mind, you ain't gonna
get to no finish line.
you're gonna be ok, if you learn to take it day by day
so, bust your ass, go on and have a blast, but do it so it lasts.
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9. the
color of open
© 1994 tina lear
her face is the color of open
its shape, like a warm afternoon
her smile is as dear as a daisy
as distant and deep as the moon
and her gifts are of paper and tape
cotton clouds, sparkled skies
and her love is as clear as a mirror
as it travels to me through her eyes
i scold and i teach and i wonder
i fail and succeed and despair
there are times when she roars out like thunder
there are times she lets me do her hair
and the right and the wrong that i
do
changes me and changes her
and the daughter in me comes to surface
and the mother in her comes to stir
birthday clothes, ballet class, moments
fly, decades pass
and she's still just my six year old
daughter
with the pain and the grace that it brings
and i'm still just this little girl's mother
trying hard to accept all these thing
and the wrong and the right that i do
changes her and changes me and
i wonder which times she'll remember
when she sings her own daughter to sleep
telephone, courting flowers, wedding
bells, baby showers
will my granddaughter's face be as
open?
take its shape from a warm afternoon?
she is surely as dear as her mother,
as distant and deep as the moon
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10. tuesday
night communion
© 1994 tina lear
My friend and I used to
meet at the Irma Bar in Cody, Wyoming, after work on Tuesdays.
Our time together helped keep me sane during some very difficult
times of my life. And it became for me a time of communion, in
the best sense of the word.
tuesday night communion
jane and me after five
once a week, we come to seek
a place where we both thrive
interchange and conflict
the weather of our ways
the virtues and the vices
that influence our days
in church we pray and ponder, and try
to reach within
but tuesday nights, we wonder over chips and dip and gin
we analyze our weak points
acknowledge our self-worth
we struggle with this troubled gift
of living on this earth
now tell me what's the difference
between the bread and wine
and the sweet and simple union
between her life and mine.
i came in, she reached out, days bleed
into years
time has made us comrades now, we sweep aside our fears
i doublepark the buick
run in to buy a rose
for this friend of mine who takes the time
to ask me how it goes.
her eyes are rich with presence
her presence, sure and warm,
and these weekly conversations are
a shelter from the storm
the church is on the west strip. it
isn't very far
but tuesday nights, the services are at the irma bar
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